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Don`t Be A Douche!
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Don't Be A Douche!
By: Michael

Those of you who tried to be straight learned quickly just how bad pussy can smell. But, guess what stud, your asshole can smell pretty rank as well. No matter how tight a bottom you are, you don't want to send your top heaving to the toilet when he goes to toss your salad. Your man pussy can literally smell like shit if you don't keep it clean.

That is why if you want to get all the hard dick you deserve, you need to clean out your hole. If you don't want to be a douche, you got to douche! If you are rank, there ain't anyone who will touch your crank!

Some bottoms think that just because their stud wears a condom that he won't give a shit if their ass is dirty. Then again there are some people who think their shit don't stick. Don't be an asshole! Clean your hole! Don't you want your top to lick your ass? Would you lick a toilet? Probably not, so don't expect him to eat your shit!

Plus you don't want to make him wear rubbers forever. If he is a real man, eventually he will want to rip that puppy off and slam into you with serious skin to skin contact!

Don't even think about going out to get fucked if you have not done the minimum pre play clean up! A clean ass has a wonderful bouquet that will make your man hard and get you laid over and over again. Plus, you might want to kiss your stud after he's put his lips on your Hershey Highway and let me tell you, it's not " Better Than Chocolate! "

Give Your Chimney A Sweep Before Your Stud Fucks You Deep!

Face it, you don't want your man eating last night's dinner. You want to serve him a fresh portion. You know how to lube your chassis, but do you know who to keep it clean? Face the only thing dirty in your back door should be your man's hot load. But, scrubbing your ass is not something your mommy probably taught you. What's a hot bottom bitch to do?

Every boy has their own favorite type of top. In the same way, there are many ways to clean your machine! There are several options available to you as tools for douching. Just remember, beautify your back door and his cock will be begging for more. Let's get started your dirty mother fuckers!

The Shower Scrub:
We've all jacked off in the shower. That's what makes this one of the most fun ways to clean your crack. It costs about $50 - but that is a small price to pay to get filled with your man's hot seed! At the end of your shower you can hook up a hose and nozzle to your showerhead. Start jerking off, and then shove the hose and nozzle up your man pussy. All your dirty dealings will flow out while you imagine your man filling your ass to completion. Are you a total bottom bitch - then this is the only method for you!

The Sinker:
This is great for the traveling stud. Not as involved as the Shower Scrub, but it is small and portable. No matter where you are, you can hook it up to a sink and get ready for your man to drink! You hook the rubber or vinyl hose to the hotel sink, bed over and let the warm water stream into your hole. Aren't you hard just thinking about it boy? You will only pay about $20 for this set up, but you won't get a nozzle, which means you might have to clean up the floor when you are done. Still, that's better than sucking shit off his dick after he fucks you silly.

The Douche Bag:
This is the least effective but most common enema system. You can buy it at any pharmacy and does not require a large set up to make visitors curious about what you get up to in the bathroom. We don't recommend this to most people, but if you have straight or female roommates this might save you having to explain a lot of serious shit.
At any drug store you can buy a neoprene bag, a rubber hose, a plastic clamp, and a small plastic nozzle. Gravity is your friend - as it should be whenever you shit! It won't set off airplane metal detectors which is great unless you have some serious issues about men with uniforms and big guns. It goes for less than $25 and you can use any liquid you want - you dirty motherfucker!

Fleet Street:
The Fleet Company is the best friend of the fag who doesn't expect any action but suddenly meets the stud of his dreams. All you have to do is pop into a pharmacy and for less than $10 get a plastic package that will clean you out wherever you go! Remember, a tidy back door means there is always space for more! If you just had a big meal, you might want to use two as they don't hold that much liquid! Then you can get ready to breed from his seed!

Clean Your Tube And Get Ready For Lube!
Don't wait to douche for the first time until you are ready to get screwed. You are guaranteed to fuck it up the first time and then you won't want to get fucked at all! Practice makes perfect. Like the boy scouts say - be prepared!
Anytime you are dealing with shit, you want to pull it out in the bathroom. Near the tub if possible so you don't end up with a mess while trying to look your best! You can fuck on the carpet - but you don't want to get crap all over it! Are you ready to make your back alley a royal passage? Good, let's get started!

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink:

You don't want your ass to get a hot shot! And cold water up your ass will shrink your dick down to clit size! Baby your ass and make sure the water is lukewarm and as close to room temperature as you can get! You want to get clean, but this is one time when soap is a big fate nope! Detergent will get rid of all sorts of good things that can keep your rear in the clear! Just fill your douche bag with water, or if you are in the shower, mellow the temperature until it is just right to get you ready for a hot load.

Slip, sliding away:
Lube up, stud. Not too much, just enough so your finger can ease inside. Feels nice, doesn't it bay? This will open you up so the nozzle can ease in and give your insides a rise. Sniff your finger afterwards and you will have a good idea if you have a seriously shitting situation on your hands. Smear a little lube around your ass pucker and slide a lubed finger up inside yourself. This will not only get you ready for inserting the hose/nozzle, but it may also let you know if you've got any fecal matter in the area. Men just love a shiny sphincter!

Penetration time:
Sit your ass down in the dub unless you want water to fly all over your walls. This is hard to do the first time - isn't everything involving your currently dirty ass? Pull your finger out of your tunnel and start to slowly ease the nozzle just past your sphincter. Control yourself - this isn't a dildo. Resist the urge to start moving it in and out of your tight channel.

The Wonderful Feeling:
Soon you will start to feel very full. That's when you need to stop. The pressure will start to build up. Ease the nozzle out and your shit will soon start to follow. You've got to fill up before you can move onto empty.

Booze Puts Out The Snooze
Making the first fuck happen can be like trying to get the first couple out on the dance floor. Everyone wants to do it - no one wants to look weird and alone doing it. Hand people booze when they walk in the door. It will relax inhibitions and get your party started right!

Dancing Fool:
When you pull the nozzle out, start doing your own little butt dance. You need to shake your ass to get all the shit to slide out and go down the drain! Push on your abdomen a bit and feel the water slosh around as it rub a dub dubs and gives your insides a scrub! You want to get loose as a goose!

Holy Shit:
Get out of the tub, go to the toilet and take the biggest shit of your life. You got to shower tomorrow; you don't want to leave a brown ring around your sink! Just sit down and let it rip! Keep some air freshener handy, as you are about to stink up your bathroom like no tomorrow!

Unless you like having a brown swamp in there. Remember, be a sweety and wipe the seaty!
Shit me baby one more time:
Once is never enough. Keep going until your ass water matches your toilet water!

Drink, drank drunk:
Once you have become an enema expert you douche with just about any safe liquid you want. If you've read our Urine Nation section, you know that some of our studs just love getting pissy everywhere. Piss can be one of the hottest enemas around - and it is already the perfect temperature! You need to be careful though. Piss contains anything the body has recently ingested. Therefore if you stud is on any sorts of drugs, they will go right into your system. This can be a sexy way to get high together, but if your man is chem friendly and you are not this is probably to be avoided.

What can be very fun is using warm booze to scoot up your poop shoot. You will get much more loaded than if you drank the same amount of hooch, because there will be no stomach lining to get in the way. Want to take a manly shot - shoot it up your pink little ass!

Be A Lean, Clean Fucking Machine!
Shit not only stinks, it can make your top sick - so if you want to be a good bottom boy and not some dirty slut you need to keep your back door nice and tidy! Just a little bit of shit can give your man urethitis. That feels just like Gonorrhea and hurts like hell! draging is the ultimate pleasure you can feel, but most tops won't bust a load in a dirty hole!

Always clean up before you go on a date or a bathhouse. We at clean up every Friday and Saturday night no matter what, because you never know when you are going to meet a man you just have to breed with!
One quick note.

Girls need to have dinner before they fuck. But you are no pussy! Get some dick as an appetizer. Otherwise your douche will have been for nothing since your meal will go straight to your bottom!





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